i don't really know what i'm doing in dance.
i'm just hoping that when it comes down to practising for dance night i'll get all fired up again.
that is provided i get the dances that i want.
just that there are auditions to pass.
sighh.

the only thing that actually cheered up my day was this pretty flower that i found when i was walking home!
((:

i feel like for once i'm using my blog for it's intended use.
venting my frustrations so that i wouldn't be bothering anyone i shouldn't be.

i feel so sluggish once i get home,
once i get out of class and once i feel lost and out of place.
the very feeling i get when i'm in school with no lessons to attend and the very wayi feel when i'm in dance without the other loners to keep me company.

i don't know.
maybe i've been pushing people away.
i don't know what im doing.

i still feel God telling me that i'm striving way too hard and that i should be taking time for myself, to do the things that i love, but i dont know what to do.
i don't know what i love doing anymore.
besides dance, which i don't really get to do.
suddenly all my life seems to revolve around my work, the very few dance practices, trying to get the cell together and praying that the kids would be more sensible each & every second.
nothing really seems to fall into place.
but then again, the world doesn't revolve around me, so move on and keep your eyes on GOD.
aaaaaah!

GO XUE!

i felt so lost waiting in school for wenjun today.
after ten months in raffles, i still feel so lost and out of place.
i actually think i do it to myself, which is probably right.
aside from the fact that, i'm not exactly the most chatty/happy person around.
i really felt like an idiot, just sitting there.

i don't know.
will find some other things to fill my time with.

i feel like i'm making all the wrong choices.
saying all the wrong things.
not doing the right things
and just hoping i was a different person.

i don't tell you things anymore because i don't feel that need to anymore.
not the way i did before.
that few months when you were not around.
i relied on God and i guess it's becoming a habit, not that im complaining.
but now that i realise it, it just seems harder and harder to let God have everything.
aaaah.

i know i have homework
but i'm just too lazy to get started.

cell was soooo messy on saturday.
half the blame goes to the lousy room that we have.
okay, i should be grateful that we even have a room.
but the chattiness of the cell is amplified 100 times in the echoey room that we've got.
not thanks to the occasional banging for the other side.

but we're praying for a new room.
and less chattiness when they need to listen.

i don't know why, but i get the feeling that i'll be very proud of my kids at the end of the year.
i sure hope that comes true. hmmm.

okay. time to start homework.

call me slow,
but i just realised my blog is pink!
so is my file and my (sister's) bag that i bring to school.
some think i've turned into a bimbo overnight.

today makes me tired and overworked.
today is physical overload.
tomorrow is mental overload.
there's H3 until 5!

aaaaaaaah.
and i'm broke from paying for the ISLE photos.
one 6R photo cots $3.
i printed 15.
so there goes my allowance and class fund.
GAH!
got to dig deeper into my pockets. ):

i feel like i've been neglecting my own blog, which is slightly true since i've turned my attention to reading the books my sister borrowed from tanglin club.

i haven't been keeping up with my work and starting to sleep late as usual.
today, i finally caught forty winks while waiting for pe period to start.
my pe is soooo slack.
after that at ISLE meeting, i heard about the PE for the guys from another class and i feel fat.
something like 2km then 100 push-ups then leg lifts & etc.
poor souls.
i'm so glad i'm a girl.

econs tutor wasn't here today.
thank goodness.
we were saved from the enbearable torture of having to hear her really demeaning high pitched voice.
she's a SLAVE DRIVER!
she makes me do my econs tutorials.
aaaah.
which means even more work that usual.
GAH!

there's so much i haven't done.
okay.
xueen, time to get off the comp.
NOW! ):

cell started off well for the year
i'm soooo relieved and for a change, LIONEL CAME FOR CELL!
and he said matthew will follow him next week.
speaking of cell, i don't really want to follow the cell material given.
it seems rather intensive.

i shall have to think of a new name for the cell blog to post up all the emails that people like ZE don't read!

school starts again tomorrow!
DANCE AUDITIONS TOO!
hahahah, i'm really excited actually.

hee.

i just got back from cca feste.
i am sooo tired i think i'm going to crash.

stupid H3 chem has 65 pages of material to print by tomorrow!
i think i'm just going to go to school and print in the library.
i'm sooo sleepy.
okay, i'll rush everything tonight then.
goodnight.

today's monday!
i was excited to be back in school.
its better than being at home doing housework by far.

we had principles talk today.
it's odd how she can't pronounce 'rafflesians',
she goes 'raffesians' and it's just weird to hear.

anyhow, i feel lazy to blog on the cell blog.
every post there seems so in depth and deep.
i feel shallow and like a mugger.
like all my live revolves around in school, sometimes dance and sometimes cell.

sam told me something last night about what the Lord said to him about me.
have to go dig up my msn convo.

here it is,
he said: 'you'll have a hugely emotional year and that you'll be really changed at the end, for the better' (sam, didn't have punctuations in his words)
but anyhow, really hope so.
i know it's going to be really intense,
i'm already starting to feel it,
one week into the new year.

my sister bought the recent cleo magazine
it has an article which says 'TAMING the overly competitive male'
right.
like i care.

okay, it's getting late.
got to pack up soon, especially my cereal with blueberries.
this time, i'll pack a spoon as well. ((:

i give up.

GAH!
sodding blogspot.
i can't change my template to the one i wantt!
i give up.

if you figure out how, please tell me.
i don't even know how half of the little widget gadgets thing work.

i ended school at 1230.
and lookie, it's already 2.
i just wasted 1.5 hours

i saw felicia today! :D
kenneth too.
that was nice.

i shall go do econs.
did i tell you i'm scared of my econs teacher and don't really fancy her the way i wish i did.

post no. 1

crazy blogspot wouldn't allow me to delete all the posts at once so i just decided to delete my whole blog.
they refused to give me my old address back so i had to settle for this one.

today's the second day of school.
i still haven't seen felicia.
i still haven't gone for dance.
i still haven't sorted out the stuff from the states.
i still haven't read my econs notes.
i still haven't returned soon ae's jacket.

what i have done though, i'm quite proud of! :D
i finished my two chemistry tutorials!
it took a lot of effort.
well, a fair bit of it considering i didn't know how to do it when i left for my holiday.

my new converse are giving me blisters.
this time, it isn't at the heels.
they decided to attack the side of my feet.
my poor little toe on my right foot hurts.

my new econs teacher scares me.
today at tutorial, she started jabbering on about economic indicators.
the topic we did last year, but i haven't read up on.
and i had absolutely no idea what she was saying.
i felt sooo dumb.
the class was pretty silent though.
we were all shell-shocked and uhm, of course, blur.
so i shall read my econs notes!
that's one thing good.

i am soooo glad i end school at 1230 on fridays.
it makes my day! ((: