i managed to catch step up today after school.
it's not so much the movie that's affecting me now, but rather what happened after that.
i feel really crappy about it and if you're reading, i'm sorry.
i know i should just stop expecting, but it's hard to.
like really.
after i said what i did, you just weren't in the same mood anymore.
i can tell, don't lie.
i don't know.
i'll just give it a break for now.

but the dance makes me pissed at Hamzah.
annoying enough, he even texted me about the classes he conducts.
like HELLO!?
why should i bother publicising for you when you totally just abandoned us?!
at least there's still pek's item to look forward to.
auditions tomorrow;
please please let me get through.

there is an endless song
echoes in my soul
i hear the music ring

and though the storms may come
i am holding on
onto the rock i cling

how can i keep from singing your praise
how can i ever say enough
how amazing is your love

how can i keep from shouting your name
i know i am loved by the King
and it makes my heart want to sing

i will lift my eyes
in the darkest night
for i know my saviour lives

and i will walk with you
knowing you'll see me through
and sing the songs you give

i can sing in the troubled times
sing when i win
i can sing when i lose my step
and fall down again
i can sing 'cause you pick me up
sing 'cause you're there
i can sing 'cause you hear me Lord
when i call to you in prayer
i can sing with my last breath
sing for i know
that i'll sing with the angels
and saints around the throne.

i'm actually going for overnight prayer today.
so that i can keep things in perspective and stop being a total bitch about the issue.

right now, the only thing on my mind is to figure out how to get the hamzah item going.
like seriously.
aaaaaaaaaaah.
today, the horrible depressing things are overwhelming the nice happy things.

i totally screwed up bio, like BIG TIME.
i don't usually feel this way about subjects that i like, but tada!
here's one of those exams.
and then the dance thing! ):
i didn't get to watch step up2!
which i totally want to watch tomorrow after overnight prayer before i go home for anything.

the nice happy thing: we met a really nice bus uncle! ((:

i wish i was there at camp now.
seeing what sam sees,
seeing all the kids opening up.
i feel like i'm missing all these things because i'm so caught up in everything else.
i don't want to stop being their leader because i want to be in the midst of it when it all happens.
when they suddenly blossom into who they know they are in God.
i really wish i was there.

i wish i was there to celebrate sam's birthday as well.
I LOVE SAM! ((:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!

i just realised while i was doing quiet time that God really answers prayers.
in the midst of all my endless worries, (which are essentially pointless) that He really answers them when you're not noticing.

i remember at the start of the year worrying soooo much about how i was going to apply for universities/scholarships with my ultra pathetic CCA record (which only has the list of things that i've participated in, my CCA teacher didn't even know me then)
but now, i have a list of things to testify of God's wonderful grace!
1) i/c for broadway (hamzah isn't as bad as i thought, he called me back today! and trust me, that's a miracle in itself)
2) i'm doing the syf performance and i just got an extra part! (okay, to me it's a bit of an affirmation though i know i'm doing it only because i'm the biggest among the rest of them)
3) my teacher i/cs know my name! ((: (so at least i'll get some extra input into my less than decent testimonial at the end of the year.)

i just realised i had all those happening for me when i actually did quiet time.
i cannot tell you how grateful i am to the Father for providing all this for me.
really.
to think i never noticed them the day they were presented to me.
i did pray for those things in a vague general way.
and faithfully, He answered.
so yes, we have a gracious, generous, faithful God that <3 you WHOLEHEARTEDLY!
((: